How to Get Help When Needed

Even if you walk away from your toxic family, underlying issues will continue to cause you pain. This is called trauma. Sometimes you don’t know how to look within yourself and uncover and address the underlying issues causing your pain. Some people change neighborhoods, buy new things, clean out their closets, change jobs, take vacations, change partners, or rearrange the furniture, all in an attempt to fix the outside world when the problem lies within themselves. Unhealed trauma can make you emotionally, mentally, and physically sick if you don’t address it appropriately. Occasionally, it is necessary to ask for help from someone else.

There are many ways to get help when needed:

• Support groups

• Therapists, counselors, or psychiatrists

• Peer counselors

• Safe and supportive friends or relatives

How to Find a Therapist

Finding a therapist may take time, so be patient with the process. Here are some ways to locate a therapist:

• Ask your job if they provide counseling services.

• Ask your local church if they offer or are aware of counseling services.

• Call your health insurance provider for assistance or search your health insurance provider’s online directory. 

• Do an online search:

o Psychology Today: psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

o 211: 211.org 

o American Psychological Association: locator.apa.org

o National Register of Health Service Psychologists: findapsychologist.org 

Topics for Discussion with a Therapist

You can share anything with your therapist. If you aren’t sure where to start, consider the following topics:

• Abuse

• Addiction and self-medication

• Anger and rage

• Anxiety and stress

• Body image issues

• Boundaries

• Chronic unhappiness

• Codependency and people-pleasing

• Control issues

• Depression

• Difficulty resolving conflict

• Disabilities

• Disturbing dreams

• Domestic violence

• Eating disorders

• Emotional detachment 

• Failed relationships

• Fear of abandonment

• Fear of being alone

• Fear of rejection

• Fears and phobias

• Feeling numb

• Feeling overly responsible for others or feeling the need to fix others

• Grief, loss, or feeling stuck in life after losing a loved one

• High tolerance for the inappropriate behavior of others

• Homophobia, transphobia, or heterosexism

• How to be your authentic self

• Hypersensitivity to emotional invalidation

• Hypervigilance (increased state of alertness)

• Insomnia

• Isolation and loneliness

• Lacking self-acceptance

• Living in the past and future instead of the present

• Low self-esteem

• Low self-worth

• Major life change (death, job loss, relocation, etc.)

• Mental illness

• Neglect by family or partner

• Need for external validation

• Need for psychiatric medication

• Obsessive-compulsive behavior

• Overthinking, negative thinking, judgmental thinking

• Perfectionism

• Post-traumatic stress

• Romance, sexuality, sexual orientation, gender identity

• Relationship issues

• Repeating dysfunctional relationship patterns

• School and work issues

• Secrets you keep from others

• Self-acceptance

• Self-care or self-neglect

• Self-harm

• Shame and guilt

• Stress from legal or financial problems

• Stress-related illnesses

• Suicidal thoughts

• Trauma and trauma triggers

• Trust issues

• Unhealthy coping strategies

• Anything else you need to talk about

—Excerpt from: The Toxic Family Solution, Steven Todd Bryant, Footlight Press Books, 2023